Thursday, August 28, 2008
^_^
Today i go out whole day with my frenz to find the wrappin paper, and sandpaper for the wedding cake. well i didnt spend much on it. coz i find tat i doesnt need to buy unneccesary things. well i buy wrappin paper and sandpaper. but today my frenz and i walk alot today. ya. her leg tired coz she wear heel shoes. so it will pain for her since we been walkin alot. we both did find the shop which the teacher give my frenz. well today i call the chef coz yesterday is my frenz help me find this job for me. i gotta thk her alot, she help me all along. N tml i go interview, well my frenz around me care me, give me encouragement and support. i thank u for them.well today i find tat i have few things happen to me is happy things, my frenz who's workin in my workin place(cheesecake shop) is already married in US. coz she went to us for studys. well she tell she get to knoe her husband for a mth and she's comin back to sg. she and her husband juz marry. well i dunno coz it's surprise to me, i dunno wat to say. haha. ya. i havent tell my sis abt her tutor. i hope i can meet her husband and her too. juz curious how her husband look like. anyway i'm happy for her. congrulation to them.
well i'm happy for this and tat. i also need to calm down myself coz i'm nervous abt my interview. well i talk to the chef is calm. but i dunno how it's gonna be like workin in the hotel. i knoe will get stress n will get scolded if i didnt do well, and i dunno i will gonna work long anot. too much afraid la. oh my god. haha.anyway i gonna go interview so i will calm down. coz it's important for my road,income, family,love. now money is important. =p. i spend wisely on my weddin cake. i put my effort in my weddin cake without the tools i needed. try my best!!!!. well i write my blog juz to make myself feel better.. haha. coz i'm still alone all along. juz few frenz. thank for readin my blog.
Posted by Ah Jac at 12:11 AM
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Hopefully
Today i decided my wedding cake design. i feel bad la coz of my frenz. anyway really sorry to her. well my weddin cake will be black and yellow.black is the leaves.it gonna be embroidery work on my cake. tat's wat my teacher say. today i do my black rose, doesnt look black but it come out to be purple. well i was tinkin abt the cake i gonna do. lack something. well i do some roses first. today didnt do carnation coz i wanna concentrate on my weddin cake.i was tinkin abt the job tat my frenz introduce me. i'm nervous. hopin someone can talk to me so i feel abit confident in myself. but i still scare and nervous lor. OMG. today gonna smoke abit more le. my frenz give me encouragement, i feel better but suddenly i tink of the job, my 100% gone down less than 50% le. OMG
anyway encouragement is part of my support, the most important is myself, coz this job gonna give me stable income and new road to learning. i hope things going to be smoothly ba. but i muz take this hard work or else i wont get a better life in my late age, provide to my family and my love in the future. well hard to definite everything. important thing is wat i'm doin now ba.well tat's hopefully. hopefully my weddin cake too. ^_^ tat's all ba
Posted by Ah Jac at 12:37 AM
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
updatin ba
Yesterday i have been tinkin abt my wedding class. coz confused ba coz my wedding cake i wan is still not perfect. Ya. i dunno my frenz wan it or not. If not i will donate to sch ba. i'm not intend to take back ba. Coz i'm not gd at takin care at it. i rather put it in the sch let ppl c lor. my sensei can take care of it. haha. yesterday my frenz tell me abt how human being survive in this world. reasons. Well i understand, coz my dad did tell me abt it. i memorise wat he say tat make me cant forget. haha..^_^Well i'm happy i get a grade B in my cake module. coz my pastry and bread module i get grade C. haha. i'm lousy lor. but i'm really happy first time will get a grade B. haha.. cannot show off le, or else bad thing will happen to me, i dun like it. i hope someone can make me happy today. coz i listen to this fav eng song-fall for you. suddenly i feel sad lor. well cheer up to myself. Jia you to everyone. Hip Hip Horray!!! ^_^
but my certificate have no use in hotel line ba. coz now have different baking school and hotel. this basic skill can only c at where le. anyway i finish my whole module and i get my full certificate in Nitec. hehe. Is Nitec cert. but still no use lor. haha. anyway i try my best to get this. i'm happy le, hehe.
Everytime i listen the song i put in my blog, i will definitely sing in KTV. but i gotta remember the song i wanna sing. suddenly i'm there, i dunno wat song i wanna sing. Haha. Well i mostly go with my baking sch classmates. We meet up to eat buffet. haha. i learn this frm them, coz i dun really knoe lor. after eating la, we will go KBOX sing till late. haha. i will drink beer. and my voice will go deeper again. coz my voice is already low le.haha. whenever someone findin me, they thought i'm a guy first lor, den i say i'm gal tat my voice is like tat la. tat's y i sing is all guy song, i dare to sing one nite in beijing sang by Shin, chi boy band. coz i can sing in high pitch ba. this song is rock so wont be so obivous i sing ba. ^_^ anyway i hoping i can meet my bakin sch classmate lor. coz very long never c them since the bbq party. haha. i wonder how are they. haha.
well tat's all for today, i might update again tonite. see how i am today, i might tell my blog how i am sad or happy or no mood. lol. ppl no mood i dun like, i wil make them happy. ppl not happy, i also not happy. haha. ^_^ well i'm not happy, will they make me happy le. haha. i smoke will feel better. althought i'm smoker but i will make sure i'm not tat heavy or else my motivator angry le. whenever i smoke, i gotta tink i smoke how many stick i smoke today. my motivator will tell me how's bad it is. haha. somemore i also drink too, she will say drink less, smoke less. quit is better. haha. Aiya. i should say tat i juz be myself, i will smoke and drink less coz motivator words cant be forget de. haha. =p she c i write like tat, is she gonna tell me next wk. i rather she tell me how she feel when she c my blog, so i can a better understandin rather i tink myself. i gotta go sch. really really tat all for today le. tonite i try la. I love you, my blog. haha ^_^
Posted by Ah Jac at 2:18 PM
Friday, August 22, 2008
feelin better
Yeah!!! i'm feelin better now le. coz i eat alot today again.. not alot la. juz eat breakfast with my sis, eat dinner, dessert with my parent. shop shop awhile at causeway. buy bread at crystal jade after 8.30pm. Hehe. have 20% off on bread. i like to eat their butter loaf. coz my sis influence me. haha... well i feel better in the morning, but after eatin so much at nite, the pain come back awhile. while i'm shoppin, i was tinkin my weddin cake. so my dad give me some suggestion. so really give me idea, so i gotta change my white color to light yellow or yellow. ^_^ well i also tinkin wat flower should i draw on it. well i tink of drawin hibiscus or peony. well gotta tink again ba... well i feel sorry to my frenz tat she tell me to find job... well nothing to write. tomorrow i'm workin, i tink i will wait my sis come back home ba. coz i feel uncomfortable with my stomach ba. feelin hot and pain. haha. will be ok after eatin chi medicine ba.. No worries. ^_^Posted by Ah Jac at 9:43 PM
Thursday, August 21, 2008
feel weak n pain
Well today i didnt go out find job. Coz i'm feeling sick juz like yesterday and didnt sleep well. I eat breakfast with my sis at causeway pt, i already startin feelin not well le. well we shop for awhile den go home. i sleep few hrs after eatin panadol. i wake up and play com for awhile, i still dun feel well, i tell mum tat i wanna c doc. den my mum say eat the chinese medicine. so i eat le la. i eat 2 packet at one time. she dun wanna me to waste money on tat. so i say words with harshly to my mum. so i feel bad. coz i have this bad temper tat i didnt control. well juz like my dad bad temper. well she did care me while i was sleepin. she ask me how i feel or still pain anot. well i say fine in like dun care like tat. Kao. me really idiot, but i dunno why i dun like this caring. juz wanna my heart to get away from this caring. Juz wanna put my heart in a lonely room. Oh am i idiot. i tell mum tat i take panadol extra. she say dun take panadol not gd. take the chi medicine. tat's y i dun like telling her tat i'm sick and wat i have eaten.Anyway i did feel better after eatin the chi medicine. but i have back pain while i'm sleepin. well normal la for back pain. but i'm feelin uncomfortable now after eatin my dinner. feelin bloated, weak, feel like vomittin too. Haiz.my mum say she didnt buy the panadol extra and how come i havin it. this one i didnt reply. coz i havin pain all along;. so i didnt tell her. now my panadol i buy wan have finish le, so i wanna eat to stop this pain also cannot lor, i wanna eat the chi medicine also cannot. my mum will ask this and tat. so i gotta tahun till they go sleep den i can eat la. ^_^ i'm alrite la. juz feelin not well with my digestive system. my mum tell me not to drink cold drink until tomorrow. should i tell mum tat i'm still feelin not well. haha.better not to let her worry me.
Now i gotta tahun again coz feelin weak n sick. Nah, wont let u frenz who readin my blog worry me. haha. i'll be alrite by tomorrow. hope this pain wont come back again. well i update my blog again tomorrow. No worries.
^_^ also need to tink my wedding cake.haha.. Later take one stick might feel better. i wont take more than 3 stick.today whole day sleepin le. ^_^
Posted by Ah Jac at 8:58 PM
feelin sick
Today i go out with my sis to find jobs. well i did go find the bakery shop at novena, but they hiring guy to make bread not gals. lolx. well nvm. me and my sis did go find other part time job. we both write the name down coz boss is not there. bad lor. my sis did find a job is a ice cream shop. coz i tell her to save the number and call. well she did. she get a short interview on sun. I hope she can make it. We both waitin for the interview timing. we go ajisen ramen eat and shop awhile, we go united square shop awhile and i wanna eat something, so we both saw this ice cream shop. it have liquor and non-liquor ice cream. we try both with waffle and a cup of cuppocino. tat's me always eat. tat's y i can make my little sis fat a kg a day. she treat me eat ice cream, i treat her eat the ramen. haha. well i like the ice cream shop, coz of the customer service ba. i like the ice cream too. it taste nice, i'm going to learn too in my dip course.anyway me and my sis sittin down at the ice cream shop eatin finish, i tell her i wanna sit for awhile more. i wanna design my weddin cake ba. i did design, i'm not sure it's alrite with my frenz. coz i still find it lack of wat after i design it. well i'm 2-tier weddin cake. so my bottom is white color with drawing of leaf with stalk, stem like a plant like wallpaper. top is green color with white color have flower and leaves. i dun wanna do flower or wat la. so maybe i thought of maybe can put the dessert or wat to make it as a part of the buffet. but i still find something is lack coz after doin the paste on it with the design. i still feel lack . so mon i hope my sensei can help me tink abt it. haha.
today i eat too much le, i feel bloated after i eat my dinner, i have stomach upset, i take a nap but didnt sleep well. so i wake up 10pm plus and eat some bread and milk. oh no i kanna again, not stomach upset but is i feel like vomittin and pain too, so i smoke first to try make myself feel better, but i still cant tahun so i eat the panadol extra. so i feel abit better. but my stomach still keep on groaning. make me feel uncomfortable and feel like vomittin too. so i keep on smoke a few stick again. but still feel pain wanna eat panadol again but havent reach after 4hrs, so i cant eat. so i'm now typin my blog is abit late, coz i cant sleep when my stomach groanin. i watch some video at youtube and c finish les blog. oh ya this time the les blog address is correct.
well yesterday i also have this feelin of stomach pain and feel like vomittin. after i smoke still feel not well so i will ask for panadol. haha. i tink my digestive system really give me some prob la. haha. anyway i gonna alright without tinkin abt it. haha. well i shouldnt smoke too much today coz wat my frenz say will like juz appear a reminder not to smoke too much. haha. sory sory i smoke too much le, =p
anyway tml i go find job again. frenz who read this, no worries. i'm fine after tonite. haha. well i have abit headache with stomach pain. haha i'm waitin to eat another panadol after 4hrs, haha. so can sleep well la. =p kidding la, c i write like this, i will kanna say by my frenz again. not sure la, coz i dunno she will c anot, and my another frenz too. haha didnt take care of my body. haha. no worries no worries. coz i havent say the words yet so wont make myself sick. haha. well i go sleep now, it's going to reach 4am le. wont eat panadol. nite to everyone
Posted by Ah Jac at 2:56 AM
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
happy la
today i have been tinkin abt this gal. although my frenz say le let me wake up frm daydreaming la. i'm happy la coz i chit chat with my ex finally. coz we didnt chat with each other very long. i'm happy she change le and change to straight. now she still like a guy. me also change too. i also try to like butch but not success. coz i have feel for guys. maybe i'm bisexual. although now i didnt change much in apperance but in heart i change to be bisexual. why cant lesbian survive in this country ma. being like a mature woman like me, it's not stupid. coz love seed can be grown in part of the heart. dunno where la, haha. but now i really confirm i like her. i can wait and slowly grown up.Well now i like this gal whose is my type wat i really wanna it. she's mature, fat, appearance ok ok. but she like to make up, but i'm ok with it. coz i use to it last time like my ex la. but now difference la, coz i, myself is fat ma, coz i dun wanna my expectation high la... =p juz be herself, i'm ok la. things can go on smoothly. ya i'm daydreaming again. haha' sometime i will memorise wat my frenz and y uncle say, to me is like a motivation to me. i really wanna be with this gal i like in my workin place area. although i met her 2 days a wk in my workin place area. juz like i say like can be nuture. =) i'm not stupid to wait. coz i'm truthful to her.
but la, my frenz say i'm havent grown up la, coz she tell me to put my heart in work and not in love la. also put my heart in family too. it's the fact la, i cant escape it man. tomorrow i will go find job, although my colleague tell me to go find a hotel line job work for few mths to get experiemce and easiler to find job too. =) now i wanna save money ba so i can go eat my frenz's dessert, wat i really wan in my list. also hotel job is very stressful job, i dun have tat courage to go. i feel tat my standard still havent reach yet in my cheesecake shop. i do cheesecake is edible but crumble. so i always do it in my heart and tink wat's went wrong. cheesecake is like my gf. need to like her so she give me a encouragement to me. haha.
well my frenz confiscated my cigarette a day, i cant tahun le, i feel like vomitting, and headache and muscle pain too. i feel better after i eat panadol. i will eat panadol extra strong whenever i have pain and headache and feel like vomitting. i feel tat is not a gd signal la. but juz dun care la. i feel tat is digestive system is actin slow since i eat too much le. i will eat panadol when it's necessary. but finish almost a box in a mth or 2 mth. i dunno, when i c the box juz left 2 pills. haha. so sorry i eat too much le.No worries to my frenz who readin... haha. i'm fine all along. if really happen to be sick, den will be fated, but i will say miracle coz my dad and i hope for tat to be happen in my uncle, A miracle.. =) daydreaming again.
Anyway like is juz a word, but action to like is a prove to her. =p daydreaming again. haha i will kanna say by my frenz again. not grown up yet. =p my uncle will say me too la. he's my motivator and my frenz also too.. i'm gonna sleep. i didnt see finish this les blog. she update again. this time talk abt the relationship i really like wat she say is interesting. talk abt les stuff. so i can get a better understanding in it. although u are not les, but when u met a person who's not a guy but a gal give u happiness. this is the fact ba. coz i did c in the youtube she put her wedding picture and throught in the church like ROM one la, she's really happy with her wife in the marriage. den end of the video she say the person i met is not a guy but a gal, she give me happiness, i love u very much. =p haha. well, this really make me feel happy. hoping too much. ok ok i will stop daydreaming le. i going sleep now. nite nite
Posted by Ah Jac at 1:36 AM
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
OH No
Oh No my cigarette is confiscated by my frenz, coz she c me still young so should slowly cut down my cigarette. she dun like me smoking and drinking. well i was tinkin of why i wanna smoke and drink.coz is my frenz ask me la. i smoke is becoz i can tink and feel relax after smoking. drink is i hope i can drunk completely one day. i swear i dun always drink.i only drink when my frenz's birthday or i go pub den will lor. i juz drink till my limit. i muz make sure i'm clear even i'm drunk. actually today i have been tinkin abt my uncle and my grandmother. I feel sad that this thing happen. I drink beer le, i shouldnt do tat, but i still do le coz i dun wanna be a gd gal, as wat my frenz tink i'm not tat kind of child. i dun wancoz i feel tat i'm actin as if i am. i dun like this feeling. I feel bad that i drink beer in front of my frenz. well i shouldnt do tat, i need to respect.but i juz give her my bad impression.i'm bad.I feel tat i have alot of things to say once i drink beer. Well i did wanna tell my frenz but i put it back to my heart le. but i did tell her my uncle and grandmother things.Actually i admire her coz she can do the dessert so nice. i like it when she show me the pic of her desser she do. actually i tell her tat i admire a les couple who's the first couple married in the US. coz the US country for the marriage, they change the law tat same sex marriage can be marry.the first couple is them, they have been together for more than 15yrs le. their age gap is 5+ yrs difference yet they can be together for so long. i knoe it from this blog is abt lesbian things. u can go c this blog http://www.lesplaneteng.blogspot.com/ is under lesbian catalogue. i like this couple. i hope my relationship can be like them too. but difference ppl will have different things happen. is it. but i hope i'm change after my first relationship. even i have second relationship, i will take things differently from the first. i like this gal is abit older than me, coz i like mature woman. my secondary sch frenz like mature man. but my one is opposite i like mature woman. haha, well we both juz frenz now coz we juz knoe each other, i did write in my blog. i hope i can tell her when the time is right. =) will this liking her become not liking her. kidding la, coz i hope i can open flower.(chinese word).
i ask my frenz wat's the happy thing she have when we are in the train, coz she can let me forget when i feel sad or no mood. today i wont drink beer le, but smoke still have la, but already confiscated le la. if i tahun today, den tml i tahun after i smke, how abt the rest of the day in this wk. i need to smoke when i'm workin durin wkend, i'm bad man, i c my colleague go smoke, i can tahun but still smoke la, juz 1 or 2 stick for tat day. after workin, i still smoke one la, so didnt smoke much a day, den should i smoke my dad's cigarette for one or 2 stick a day. if i dun.. he. next wk i c her, she will give me 3 stick. HEHE.. i tink 2 stick better than dun have la. Hehe.
i did ask her wat's happiest thing. she tell me she's happy if she do her dessert is best. and customer say her dessert is nice too. she's happy le. but she say she's not happy when she do the dessert or bread not nice, she feel tat she still need learning. i feel tat she's the best le, i hope i can try her dessert one day. i dun wan her to treat me eat. if i wanna eat, i will use my earned money to eat. i feel paiseh and bad when she treat me, i will used to it de. so i dun wanna be like tat la, anyway she will c my blog after i update. so now i will thank her for treating me eat. thank you for trusting me. i'm sorry to tell you some lie abt my smoking. I didnt wanna quit not becoz of my uncle things. is i need 1 to 3 cigarette a day, so i feel comfortable. i can tahun a day last time, now i need it at least 3 stick a day. well i didnt cut down at all. but i try to control myself le. now my cigarette is confiscated, this is my dad buy one, he have cigarette so he give me my favourite cigarette. now dun have le la. My frenz is cute and pretty now and past too. haha. she will have confidence in her appearance and her inner beauty. i hope she have confidence in herself.
i'm going to sleep le la. i write so long so to let my frenz read la, i write wat i'm tinkin la, i wanna say sorry to my best frenz and secondary sch frenz who read this, coz i write abt my les stuff, i wan u guys knoe tat i'm lesbian. i hope u dun mind. coz i already dun have so much frenz, only left u all le. gd nite and sweet dream to this frenz who gonna read now.
Posted by Ah Jac at 12:57 AM
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
I'm sorry
Today one msg from a frenz, i realize and doing a reflection of myself. Well i'm feeling bad and wrong. I was tinkin wat i have done wrong. But i did wrong again. This time i hurt this frenz and another frenz. Today i wanna apologise to my frenz tat i have hurt their feeling, I'm sorry.I wont repeat this mistake again. I dun wanna this to be repeat wat i have done wrong in the past. Tat's y i dun like to talk so much coz will happen bad things. Sometime i speak it out tat doesnt come from my brain. So this thing will happen will let me tink of the past. Tat's y i dun like to talk. I will talk when tat's needed. or else i will keep silent. I hate my past. I dun like ppl to know my past. Only my ex and i seem to knoe wat things have happen. THIS PAST HAS HURT ME ALOT. LET ME HAVE A BIG SCAR IN MY HEART.
I will once again closed my heart in a cold room for a certain time, till every thing is back to normal le, i might or might not come out this cold room. coz I'm belong to a lonely world tat's my only place i can go. will let me feel peace and no stress, no thinking.
I dun understand some of my best frenz well coz i didnt talk much abt it. well they knoe me coz i'm easily get bully and tink every person say is right. I'm still havent grown up and clearly wake up yet. I'm sorry to my best frenz and frenz.
I'm sorry to tat frenz. So u see my post, pls dun ask abt my past. I hope u understand. I write this on the blog is to apologise u. i dun have so much frenz read. so it's alrite to write here. If i write here u dun like, u msg me, i will edit it once i c ur msg
Abt the gal i like is at my workin place area, i will slowly chase her ba, well we do talk but not much so this thing need time ba. but might not success ba coz my feel to her will gone too. hard to say.
Once i apologise to my frenz for saying word tat hurt her, i hope u will forgive me...
Posted by Ah Jac at 6:11 PM
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Finally i add my pics lor
This is wat i take pic of myself, my bread showpiece and wat i have learn in the dip in baking... i hope u like it.... haha...
Posted by Ah Jac at 12:35 AM
Thursday, August 7, 2008
i dont like myself
Me hate daydreaming all the time, it wont dream come true ba. i hate myself being lazy all the time. i dun have tat motivation to do wat i wan. i hate daydreaming. during sch, i say bad words to a guy who let my frenz see his donut with bad words. i dunno why i say it to him juz for her. I still make frenz with him juz not to make trouble. i cut my hair short the next day, my hairstyle juz look abit man lor. i didnt mean to cut short.it's juz tat the hot weather lol.I make a mistake tat day, my mood juz go down to 0%.AHHH!!!! i'm might crazy lol....but i feel uncomfortable with the guys. i dun like ppl makin fun is juz tat funny. i juz dun care who makin with who.N i dun have 'an quan gan' on guys. it's juz happen to be my past make me feel uncomfortable I hope i can forget my past juz to keep on moving with a new goal.
actually i have phone number to call for job interview. but i havent call.. i'm lazy tat's true, tat why i hate myself so much. Well this gal let me have a image of her, i shouldnt like her. i'm tryin to have a distance between me n her. but let me always have smile when she doin cute things. tat's make me cant forget. juz keep it as a memories ba. Even she's the one, i also cant. coz i cant match with her. well i hope i can make this bad habit go away.